Government Girl

Hi. There's a girl I know who works in government, and I'd like to get to know her better, but she's always in a big group at the gatherings we both go to. How do I get her alone?


Dear Stan,

The government is seldom an easy organisation to deal with. Two things we know for sure about the government are that it functions via democracy, and it functions via beurocracy.

With this in mind, it is my advice that you hire a friend to write up a very governmenty-looking document. This document should include a voting scheme, designed to dictate that all voting options suggest to the reader that it is in their best interests to vote for you and your lady-friend to get some alone-time together. A good selection of poll options might include:

A) Stan gets rabies and so do all voters
B) Stan and government-girl make babies
C) Stan and government-girl get to know each other a little better

This being Australia, it will be mandatory that all adult citizens vote, lest they incur a fine. Not many people will vote for option A, not because they care about you but because they don't want to share in the rabies. Some will vote for option B, but others will suspect that there'll be some sort of tax hike to raise said babies. So a majority vote will arrange for you and this government girl to get together and get to know each other a little better.

Just make sure that you fill out the paperwork correctly when designing the poll. You wouldn't want the government to nullify or skew the results because you accidently wrote "gril" instead of "girl."

Ryan The Great

Well, Steve, I find the best way is to anonymously alienate her from her peers, then offer her understanding and a shoulder to cry on.

If she ever finds out that you are the cause of all her torment, though, you'll have a bit of a problem on your hands.

...but hey, at least you had that one moment, together...

The Cozburger


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